he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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