eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize