I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
this is an emotional support booty call
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
