I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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