I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize
