i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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