I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
