i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
