I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
