I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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