It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
