dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
