Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
