whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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