He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
