dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
