Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
