I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
