You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
