I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize