After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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