It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
