So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
