you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
All I want is dick and wine.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
