I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
