3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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