Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
