garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I can text with my tongue
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
