There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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