I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
