spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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