last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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