i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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