hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
