Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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