she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
