honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
