Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize