i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
