I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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