is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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