Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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