Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
