WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Green mimosas i think yes
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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