So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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