Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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