so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
