You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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