idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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