I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
