Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
