The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize