Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
