My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
