I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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