This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize