I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
