one might say we're banned from that church
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
