i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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