I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
