i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also, beer. Big fan.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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