my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
