dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
