you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
