"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
