Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
