so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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