I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
