My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I believe in your delicious
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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